Daredevil

For Tiffany :)

Detours

It's crummy here.  The rain is doing what it does in Oregon during the Spring.  My kids are also doing what they do in Spring....they are cooped up indoors and driving me insane.  We're in the process of getting a new place to live, which is exciting and unnerving all at the same time.  I want to snap my fingers and be at our new house.  Away from our trashy neighbors, away from Phoenix, and out of this tiny apartment.  Is this new place going to be any better?  It looks better, it seems better....but I have a feeling this is just me.  I'm not happy with the way things are going.  I'm working.  Our kids aren't being consistently parented.  Adam's working from home, and the kids don't seem to be played with.  Attention hungry when I get home.  He's on the phone or computer all day long.  I don't feel like I'm putting in 100% at work, and how could I?  I work 3 days a week, and what I really want to be doing is making mugs out of pottery.  Making art and selling art.  Being crafty with my kids. 

I know that Joel's birthday was Monday, and I haven't posted about it, because there is so much to say, and I'm just not there yet.  It's a time-stamp.  I've felt off track for 2 years.  Job stuff went haywire, house stuff went haywire, homeschool stuff went out the window, and came back unexpectedly, we moved, got broke...got a sick kid.  What happened to what I wanted?  What we thought we were supposed to be doing?  I know those are completely rhetorical, but really....I guess I'm just tired and worn down.  I've been focusing on what God wants me to be learning from this experience, but frankly it sucks.  I don't want to be living in a f-ing apartment.  I want to have my own home again.  MINE.  One that I can paint, and plant gardens in.  One that we can mark the kids' heights on the door for years to come....  I want to be using my new kiln.  Getting clay under my fingernails.  I just feel like a waste of space.

Almost Two.

You're turning two in just a week, and I'm almost speechless when I realize it's been two years since the day you were born.  You entered with so much fury, so much fight.....and though you've overcame the majority of tough times, that fight is very much still present in your personality.  You're toddler, through and through.  Not quite up to speed on communication, you get frustrated when we don't let you do things that could potentially hurt you....like grabbing my curling iron when it's hot, or getting down a flight of stairs head-first...  You're talking some though, and now your favorite things to say are commands (go figure): In.  Out.  Down. On. Bathtub.  (Bathtub may not sound like a command, but trust me, it is!)  
You have tricks, too.  You can get on and off the couch by yourself.  You can blow bubbles out of your neck while you're in the bathtub....(wierd but impressive.)  You can whistle and snap.  You can open up bottles of pediasure, and stack legos together.  You've figured out how to browse through Netflix with the wii remote.  You can eat 65% of your food...WITH YOUR MOUTH!!
It's been two years that I've had to figure out how to be your mom.  I haven't gotten it down yet, so I hope you'll be patient with me.....out of four kids, you're probably the most like Connor.  Full speed ahead, witty and charming, and the strongest will I've ever seen.  For now, I've definitely got my hands full, but I know all of your personality traits will take you far in life....and I can't wait to help steer you in the right direction.  I love you, Joel.

Sweet Video Clip

Just found this on the Southern Oregon Sparrow Club's page....this is one of the news clips from back in September, when Joel was adopted as a Sparrow.....and my hair was long!  Why did I cut my hair again??  Enjoy <3

http://kdrv.com/page/223601

1 in 100 isn't so rare.

We're one of them.  This week, February 7-14th, is National CHD Awareness week.  CHD stands for Congenital Heart Defect, and it affects 1 out of every 100 children. 

This is a snippet of Joel's story.  Many of you are very familiar with it.  Some are not.

When I was pregnant with Joel, we went in for our routine ultrasound...at I think 21 weeks...I was so excited to find out the sex, and to double check all of his organs.  Adam and I had miscarried a baby before, and my anxiety level was high as we waited.  We were hoping for another girl to even the score, but when we found out he was a healthy 'him and not a her,' it didn't make a difference.  Healthy was good.  The ultrasound tech even said, "Nice strong heart" during the appointment.

When Joel was born, I was pretty medicated.  It was my third cesarean, and I (unknowingly) was allergic to morphine.  As we planned, we brought a favorite CD, Coltrane for Lovers...which you should purchase if you don't have it.... Dr. Mvundura delivered our precious little baby in just a few songs' time, Adam was light-headed from being in the room, and my mom got the opportunity to cut the umbilical cord!  I got a few peeks at him and was wheeled off to recovery.

More than an hour passed, and I still hadn't gotten to hold Joel.  I 'wiggled my toes'.  No change.  "He swallowed some fluids." "Just waiting for his sats to come up"....More hours, and no Joel.  Things weren't feeling right, and nurses were starting to dodge my questions.  By this time, it had been five hours....and the pediatrician came in to discuss with us.  Joel's oxygen saturations were supposed to be at 100%.  They were at 72% with supplemental oxygen.  This was no ambiotic fluid issue.  Tacoma General was called, and a transport team came to take our baby away.  We prayed over our baby and sent him with strangers, hopeful that they would find what was wrong with our baby.

After a quick chest echo it was obvious.  Joel had heart defects.  Four of them.  The first, the big one, transposition of the great vessels.  His aorta and pulmonary artery were switched.  His heart was getting oxygen.  His body was not.  The second and third: Arterial Septal Defect and Ventricular Septal Defect (a hole between chambers,) and the fourth: PDA.  Patent Ductus Arteriosus is that little vessel that closes when a child is born, once they need to breathe through their mouths.  Joel's stayed open, thankfully, which allowed his body to get 72% sats....we know another little transposition kid who's pda didn't stay open.  He was born with 30% sats.  (Luckily,) his parents had found out about his defect during the pregnancy, and cardiology was standing by.

Joel's heart surgery was performed when he was 5 days old; a surgery called the "Arterial Switch."  This surgery was 7 hours long.  Typical hospital stays for this sort of defect is 5-7 days in the hospital.  It was an open heart surgery.  The Arterial Switch surgery has a 95% success rate.

We were thankful that Joel was born into a hospital that performed routine oxygen saturation checks.  He wasn't born blue, he looked like any other baby.  There are many heart defects that can be missed during routine ultrasounds, but found during oxygen sat. tests.  If you are pregnant, or know someone who is, get or suggest getting a oxygen saturation test done while the baby is still in the hospital/birthing facility.  It can save lives!

In honor of Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week, we would love to say thank you to everyone who works day-in and day-out to keep hearts healthy.  It's a tough job working in healthcare, and even tougher working with the young & sick.  We had such an amazing experience with the people of Tacoma General/Mary Bridge Children's Hospital.  Nurses, doctors, surgeons, intensivists, lab techs, ultrasound/radiology techs, pharmacy, social workers... the list is long, and the benefit to my family is great.  Thank you for all that you do!  We love you!

A Very Sparrow Christmas

I know it's the end of January and all, but I've been thinking about what to say about Christmas for the whole month....so it came late. 
Christmas was very different this year.  Usually it starts before Thanksgiving, with crafting, decorating, and baking up a storm...(near hybernating) indoors with my kiddos all day...(= bliss.)  This year it started early...like November 1st...because this year I was not home, I was working my tail off at Harry and David.  Trying my hardest not to screw up any orders, pointing the public to 'that perfect Christmas gift'.....and rushing around like a chicken with my head cut-off.  Needless to say, I was not in the Christmas spirit.  AT ALL.  I love my job.  I love what I do....but I do not necessarily love doing it over 40 hours a week...and not during my hybernation season. :)  But I did, and we made it through.

As the nation knows, (thanks to ABC & Extreme Home Makeover,) we are a Sparrow family.  I love everything that Sparrow Clubs stand for.  Joel and I were able to go to Hedrick Middle School in early December to say hello to the kids and give an update on Joel's recovery.  It was overwhelming to watch them run up to us, and call him by name.  They took pictures of him with their readily-available cell phones, and gave him high-fives.  I can't describe what it's like to have perfect strangers care about you.  I can't describe it.  It's not something that can fit into words.  We knew that Sparrow Clubs would be blessing our family for Christmas with a gift for each of our children, a project called 'Bless-A-Nest.'  We emailed them a few suggestions of things the kids might like, with no hopes of what actually ended up happening... A CAR LOAD OF GIFTS.  And checks.  And cash.  And giftcards.  There were far more items for each child than we put on a 'suggestion list.' When you hear the saying, "It's the thought that counts," this is one of those times where it means exponentially more than it sounds.  The kids didn't open just loads of toys on Christmas morning, they opened gifts that were specifically picked out for them...by complete strangers.  Someone bought a miniature backpack full of books for Joel.  An art set for Mia.  Perfect flannel pajamas for Logan. All of the kids were blessed beyond what we ever predicted.  My mom and I peeked at a few before Christmas (they were wrapped,) to make sure that there were no duplicates....and we cried and cried together; so touched at the gesture handed our way.  One gift in particular was my favorite....a little sippy cup, placed in a box, and marked "from cyrus"...in a child's writing. 

Of all things, a sippy cup was the one present that had me sobbing my eyes out the most.  Someone was thinking of us over the hectic holiday season.  Having a fragile child can feel so isolating, and while they may not have fully understood the things we've experienced, they wanted us to know that someone out there cares about us. 

If you have ever participated in Bless-A-Nest, or know someone that has, please give them a hug from me.  'Bless a nest' is an understatement.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.  The thought that counts, did... more than you'll ever know.

School's Out

We took Connor out of public school today.  It was a family decision, not a parents' decision, and for some reason, I feel like I need to state my case...so here it is. 

We're choosing to home school Connor....

#1:  Because he wants to be home schooled.

#2:  I don't like the talks kids are having at school.  Now, I know I can't shelter him from all of life's bad apples...and honestly, I don't want to.  But at what point is it appropriate for children to talk to each other about sex?  Age six?  I think not....and it's been a subject brought up more than twice, and Connor continues to question me about it (and other things), and we finally sat him down and had an age appropriate discussion...using words and scenarios that he can actually grasp.  This is shocking...and it's not just the 'let's talk about sex' discussion that is inappropriate.  It's the kids' mindsets altogether.  When it's not sex, it's something else.  Daily.  I think today's youth are being exposed to things they shouldn't. 

#3:  I think Connor needs a little debriefing from the last two years.  I think our entire family does.  We need to stick together, and I think he's feeling that as much as Adam and I are.  A move out of state, job promotion, job demotion, sick baby, separated family, in-home nursing, job change, job loss, move in with parents out of state, mom goes to work, dad works from home ....move from big house to small apartment...it's a lot for an adult to handle, and I don't think I've fully processed all of that yet.  In fact, I know I haven't.  So, why would I expect a six-year-old to?  He's needing to be home with us right now; I think that's OK.

#4:  This was the original plan.  Before Joel graced us with his presence, we planned to home school.  I was at home, enjoying my crafting-cooking-cleaning-diaperchanging-life, and Connor was excited to be home schooled.  Then Joel came, and we knew that our house was chaos.  Nurses, appointments, a fragile baby...Connor needed the opportunity to 'show off'.  Have something for him to bring home and say, 'Look what I did today without you, see how wonderful and grown-up I am...'  We had an incredible kindergarten teacher for him, and public school suited him well last year.  But during this last Christmas break, I felt that urge again...that gut feeling, telling me what I already knew.  I am the one who is to be teaching my son right now.  He felt that too. 

#5: We feel like this is the right thing for our family.

Thank you for all of your concerns, opinions (even negative ones), & private messages.  Know that I've taken them all to heart.  I hope that you will respect this decision, as it's a big one.  We've given this a lot of prayer and time to think this over, and we're prepared to do what it takes to make sure our son is getting the education he needs.  We have faith that this is something we will succeed at, and I hope that you can have faith in us too.