So often I am reluctant to post about myself. I started this blog as means update our family about my sick son, and he's better now.....but I still like to write. If you want to stop following me because things get too personal, or not up your alley, I understand.
I'd like to talk about being humbled.
This has been on my heart for over a year now. And there are times when I want to take back that thought. That prayer, where I asked God to humble me. It was April. Joel had just gotten his trach out and things were finally looking up. We were living in a big house. It wasn't ours, we were renting it....but suddenly, it seemed too big. Too much. Not us. Our in home nursing was coming to a close, and something clicked inside of me. I just wanted to get rid of the crap. All of it. My husband's job wasn't what we came to Washington for, and we were far away from our family. We dreamed of living smaller. Downsizing. And pursuing our dreams, whatever they were.
I knew that was going to take some getting used to....I'm not exactly one for budgets, or roughing it. Adam and I sat down and prayed together (which was uncomfortable for us at the time...but we did it anyway.) We asked to be humbled. The thought of downsizing in a matter of just a few days became engulfing. It's all I could think about. I went through closets full of blankets, closets full of clothes, garages full of junk....it was just STUPID. Why did we need all of this stuff? I don't know what hit me.....when Joel got better, and we were able to breathe again, I looked back at everything that used to be important, and it just WASN'T. It had to go.
We were ready. And we decided that we would hope for Medford. If God was going to provide Adam an opportunity to go back to school, or take another job, we would be ready for it. Where was He going to lead us? We were stirring with excitement.
And two days later, my husband is let-go from his job.
Seeing as I'm not so logical, and my husband is, it took some convincing to show him that this was from the Lord. He doesn't always work in ways that are logical. Sure, we'd like to have a job in place before a move, but we didn't. And my parents were happy to take us in....in Medford, Oregon.
Living with my parents at age 28? Not what I meant when I said 'Lord, humble me.' Did it work? Yes. We were able to fit into two bedrooms of my parents' home. SHARE the kitchen. Share cleaning duties. Get rid of 2,000 sq. feet of furniture. (OUCH.) Live on next-to-no money. Give up salon appointments and shopping trips.
We aren't living with them anymore, and a lot has happened since then...but this has been an extremely humbling experience for my family; myself in particular. It's comfortable for me to follow God in the comfort of my squishy, well decorated home in a nice neighborhood. It is. But I'm tired of it. I want to follow him in ruins. In storms. In good times and bad.....and I don't want that, "I have to have a new suburban and a fatty house and new boots and MAC makeup" mentality anymore. I haven't completely let it go, no...I struggle with it. But I don't want those things standing in the way of my pursuit for Jesus. I want to follow him freely. And I really feel like I'm on the path to do that. Letting go of idols is a tough pill to swallow.
This needed to happen so we can be who He created us to be. In Him.
What are your idols? What do you struggle with?