But the moment I sit and think about where we are REALLY, without the temporary frustrations of the day, I am so thankful. This is a season of regrouping. Re-honing in on who we are as a family, refocusing on the three children that were put on the back-burner for the last 20 months, and the marriage that sometimes hangs on by threads of promises. We will overcome our tough times. We love each other. We are healthy. Each season is filled with lessons to be learned, and knowledge to be absorbed.
I am thankful for a job that I love. It's outside of my comfort zone in so many ways, and I'm doing well. The hours are flexible, and the pay got us a home. It makes me value the role of a stay at home parent. I miss doing crafts with my kids, and drinking tea during naptime. My job has allowed Adam to see what I go through, day in and day out; he is understanding that the difficult part of a mom isn't the same 'difficult' as a job outside the home. Seclusion and repetition are difficult in a different way. And although our roles are temporarily switched, I think the process of that has helped us have empathy for one another...and that's really hard for me.
I am thankful for Sparrow Club. It is a light in so many ways. It's helped provide for our family and at the same time, made us feel that we're making the difference in the lives of kids in our area. We purchased a kitchen table with some of our Sparrow money this week (we had to sell our old one b/c we knew it would be too big for a small apartment.) Having a kitchen table helps reinforce the routine of eating for Joel. He's eaten more in the last 3 days than he has in a normal week.
I'm thankful for my parents. They've helped us so much since we've been here. I can't imagine not living in the same town as them. They love our kids unconditionally, and they are very involved grandparents. We lived with them for the first 6 months in Medford, and they were more than welcoming.
I am thankful for the Foo Fighters album 'In Your Honor.' Music has always played a big role in my life, and it plays a significant role in my coping as well. It's helped me get through the past year when I needed it most; healing wounds I didn't even know needed healing. I had to go to the Ronald McDonald house a couple of weeks ago. I think I had an anxiety attack. I cried so hard that I couldn't breathe.....why? I didn't know that staying in a group home for one night would evoke that much emotion. Thinking of the treehouse right now doesn't make me sad. But that night, listening to that receptionist tell me which locker was mine, how to label my food, and where I could check out books was enough to make me breakdown. I still have a lot of healing to do. I'm so grateful for songwriters like Dave Grohl. He knows just what to say, and every time I sing along, it gets a little easier to uncover those memories and deal with them in a healthy way.
I hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving. We went to Coquille, where we attend our annual Thanksgiving dinner at Neema's house. We laughed, we ate, and we watched our kids do the same things we once did. It's amazing to me being in a house with so many memories. My dad grew up there. I grew up there. And now our babies are playing there; eating up to the same table we once did. Riding bikes around the same sidewalks, swinging on the same swings. <3 Love it.
|One of my favs. Luckily we go with professional pictures every year, or this is what we'd end up with.|
|HAHA He may have liked the sweet potatoes, but he's still unsure of aunt Tana!|