Detours

It's crummy here.  The rain is doing what it does in Oregon during the Spring.  My kids are also doing what they do in Spring....they are cooped up indoors and driving me insane.  We're in the process of getting a new place to live, which is exciting and unnerving all at the same time.  I want to snap my fingers and be at our new house.  Away from our trashy neighbors, away from Phoenix, and out of this tiny apartment.  Is this new place going to be any better?  It looks better, it seems better....but I have a feeling this is just me.  I'm not happy with the way things are going.  I'm working.  Our kids aren't being consistently parented.  Adam's working from home, and the kids don't seem to be played with.  Attention hungry when I get home.  He's on the phone or computer all day long.  I don't feel like I'm putting in 100% at work, and how could I?  I work 3 days a week, and what I really want to be doing is making mugs out of pottery.  Making art and selling art.  Being crafty with my kids. 

I know that Joel's birthday was Monday, and I haven't posted about it, because there is so much to say, and I'm just not there yet.  It's a time-stamp.  I've felt off track for 2 years.  Job stuff went haywire, house stuff went haywire, homeschool stuff went out the window, and came back unexpectedly, we moved, got broke...got a sick kid.  What happened to what I wanted?  What we thought we were supposed to be doing?  I know those are completely rhetorical, but really....I guess I'm just tired and worn down.  I've been focusing on what God wants me to be learning from this experience, but frankly it sucks.  I don't want to be living in a f-ing apartment.  I want to have my own home again.  MINE.  One that I can paint, and plant gardens in.  One that we can mark the kids' heights on the door for years to come....  I want to be using my new kiln.  Getting clay under my fingernails.  I just feel like a waste of space.