Life Starts Now.

Living each day to the fullest, because we know first-hand just how fragile life can be.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Because I have to say it before I explode.

We have these surgeries.  We've (thankfully) combined them into one sedation time for this purpose: More warm weather time to wean Joel off his feeding tube by next Fall.  Also, because we are DONE (did you hear me???  I said DONE!) with surgeries...and this may literally be the last trip to the OR.  The surgery has been scheduled for May 24th, which is next Thursday.  Ten days and counting. 

I've said it from the beginning that I want Joel to be done with his feeding tube by Fall.  I think he's mentally ready.  We're in a place as a family to support him with the resources and "tricks" that we've learned. 

I am scared that we won't make our goal.
I am worried that we won't make it, and I'll be stuck doing feeding tube stuff through another winter.
I feel guilt for the line above this one.
I wonder if I'm pushing him too hard.
I feel more guilt...because this is something God knows is weighing on my heart....and I should have more faith that he can put this together.  I should have big faith.

We've even landed the surgeries in May, like I'd hoped, so we can have a straight 3-4 months of solid planning, and eating, and scheduled mealtimes.  Everything is lined up just how I'd hoped up until now.  And I'm scared to death.  I'm so scared.  There is no fearless here.


  1. God has a plan, Kari, and I don't know it, but with faith, hope, and your loving family, it will work out... :)

  2. Ah, bless your heart Kari for your honesty. Good for you for 'getting it out' of the inside of you where it swirls and creates more fear and more guilt and where the evil one can have his heyday so to speak. You have big faith. Faith is like a muscle, it can and will hurt while it is getting stronger. While this all may be news, it is not truth. We know where truth comes from. Keep looking down, Kari, you are seated with Christ in heavenly places. God bless you today.