Life Starts Now.

Living each day to the fullest, because we know first-hand just how fragile life can be.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Perfect Sense

I've been agonizing over Joel's feeding issues since he started eating.  We beat the odds in the hospital.  We beat the odds and got his trach out in March, when they said it wouldn't happen.  We got a g-tube by our goal date.  I push and push, and we work so hard to get to our goals, because knowing that I have a kid that beats odds, there are no limits for us.  Everything is fair game.  Joel's calorie intake literally has me up in the night's making me crazy. 
I called my friend the other night.  She lives in Spokane, and has a 17 month old.  She's also a physician, and it's so nice to be able to talk to her on a level that most people don't understand.  But she's also a mom.  A great mom.  And I talked with her for over an hour, crying about feeds.  Crying about what we may not know.  Wondering if I've been in denial during parts of this.  (To backtrack a bit, someone told me that feeding tubes typically come out near kindergarten.  KINDERGARTEN.  This added to my obsession with making goals.  Beating odds.  My child is not going to Kindergarten with a feeding tube.)  She helped so much.  When we compared the two kids, Joel sounded more and more like a typical child.  I know I go over this over and over....wondering if he's ok, developmentally...  Her daughter ate tartar sauce for dinner that night.  Just tartar sauce.  DUH.  Because she's a toddler.  Just like Joel.  They're meant to be difficult and have a gap in communication with us, that's where they're at. 
After hanging up with her, I went through some of J's old pictures.  Looked at where we've come from.  Where the other kids were too....we've gone through so much, come so far.  This is a victory even when it doesn't seem like it.  I got my thankful back.
This week Joel has:  Pointed to three body parts- feet, eyes, nose.  Learned new words: Thank you.  I love you.  Bathtub.  Bye Bye.  Please.  Walked three steps from mommy to daddy.  Tried putting shoes on his feet.  :)  It was a great week.

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