Life Starts Now.

Living each day to the fullest, because we know first-hand just how fragile life can be.

Monday, April 2, 2012


Can I just take a quick 30 seconds out of my life to scream something on paper?  Ok, thanks.

WHAT THE HELL???????????!!!!!!!!!!  HERNIA? SURGERY???? AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you.  Joel's surgery is TBA.  The original plan was to do the surgery locally, and I think I've changed my mind.  I think we need to be sticking with Children's hospitals, because they are designed for children. (Most obvious statement ever.)  I want anesthesia to be used to having complicated children like Joel.  Nurses who are used to advocates such as myself. And surgeons who are performing on little bodies, daily.  SO, our local appointment is tomorrow and I still haven't rescheduled it, but I'm getting there. 

I'm frustrated with this.  How can it be luck of the child has terrible luck....but it's not luck.  To me, in my beliefs, this is from satan.  Just as his CHD, and all of the other crap that has been thrown in our path.  But that's not what is frustrating me; because that is satan's do awful things.  I'm frustrated that God isn't doing anything to stop it.  God is good.  All the time.  I know that.  And I also know that he is allowing Joel to be in pain for a reason.  To go through this for a reason.  I just wish this wasn't His will.  For me to have to watch my son be wheeled back into another OR.  I don't want to learn anything from that.  I want to be ignorant parents, like every other parent on the block.  I don't want to be stuck in a multi-bed surg-floor room, with parents getting simple surgeries for their healthy children...while they tell me how 'the world has handed them the shitty stick...' because really, it's everything in me to not unload Joel's history....or tell them some of the stories of Joel's buddies....who didn't make it out of a hospital room.

I'm frustrated, and I'm sad.  I don't like seeing my son this way.  :(  I can't wait until this is all over, & I can remember it like a dream.

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