So, it was a tough week, I'm not going to lie. Our appointment with the eye doctor was almost too big for me to digest on Thursday. I was sad, and I slept a ton when I got home, and I was sappy, and emotional, and yada yada....it was pathetic. I think it's ok to mourn for your child. There is a time for sadness. That time has passed.
And then, I had a mom suggest vision therapy. Her son has done the same and she's had incredible results from it....like, from eyes not responding to light, to tracking objects, incredible. It was just the thing I needed to hear, at the most perfect moment.
That evening, as I was hanging out with a friend, she mentioned that she was talking about me to one of Joel's intensivists. Using the words, "drill sergent," and "drive" and "modivated"....using words that didn't come close to describing me this past week. It took me by the wrist.
I drove home from Tacoma that night in deep thought. Remembering the person I once was, pondering, "Did those words describe me now, or then?" Only now, after all of the trials Adam and I have gone through, after the spiritual exfoliating, after the loss of our baby, after fighting for our marriage and fighting for our son.....only now do I feel strong. Only now do I realize what these stepping stones were all about. God took my rubble, and he made it into something beautiful.
There is something to be said about the person you are inside when you're walking next to Jesus. I've never felt more true to myself, more power in my step, than I have at this time in my life. All of the glory to Him, I am proud to get to be Joel's mommy. It takes guts to do this. It takes tears, and tough skin, and trusting in God's promises. I am so thankful in this moment right now. God helped me become a strong woman, and that's what I'm going to be. Doctors can tell me what they will, and I'll listen. But my hope is not in them. I am fierce and fiesty, and I need to fight for my son's healing.