A New Existance

There was a time when I was just a mom.  My babies were just babies.  I loved leaning on my fellow mommies about their struggles with feeding picky toddlers, potty training, temper tantrums...  it's nice to have the support and conversation of those who are going through similiar trials in life. 

I am still that mom.  But now I run with two crowds.  The mommies, and the "other" mommies.  My new group is the same in some dimensions, but with different lingos....it's all g-tube this, and ventricular that.... also, many of the new mommies I talk with I don't usually interact with in person.  I've met them off the internet, or through a support group, or through the ICU.  We are a resource and support to each other, and every single one of them I consider to be dear to my heart, as their very special babies are.

There are two moms I've been following and  especially praying for in the last month.  Kirsten and Jill are two very brave mommies with CHD babies, and both of their sons passed away last week due to their congenital heart defects.  I can only cry for these two women and their familes.  There is no "mommy trick" to fix their problems that they are facing.  There is something excrutiating about the term 24-inch casket. 

I wasn't prepared for this.  You expect a defect.  And a fix.  That's it.  Heidi came to visit me while we were staying in the PICU.  I didn't get the chance to meet her precious son, Cutler.  Joel was admitted three months after Cutler passed away.  Still, she is one of my connections through nurse Jodi, and looking at pictures of their family minus one gets my throat lumpy.  I don't know what else to say, or how to say it.  I'm just sad.  CHD is a real thing.  A big thing.  And one in eight thousand only seems rare until you're one of them.  There are babies born every day with a congenital heart defect.  I am learning that some of them don't make it.  And it just about kills me.  Please take a moment today to pray for these mommies, and daddies, and siblings of baby Joshua and baby Ewan.  And for Heidi and her husband & kids as well....9 months have passed but I know they are deeply missing their baby too.  I love you Heidi.