Not a burden. An opportunity.

Kari McGrew: Is having a really great day. I've heard this over and over while being in Tacoma..."maybe this is taking so long because you are having an opportunity to witness to people..." Umm, ok. Yes, I hear you. But frankly, I haven't been in the mood. It's taking 110% of my energy just to keep my head above water. How in the heck could I have the mental capability to 'walk the walk, AND talk the talk?' I have big faith. What else is there...

The first thoughts out of my head this morning when I woke up were, "God. I would like a lesson today. Please pick me out of this bed and remind me why we're stuck here. I need help."

I got my lesson. I was reminded this afternoon of an encounter with a friend of mine. I hadn't seen her in a really long time, and in the months that had passed, I got right in my walk with God. Like, picked up where I left off ten years ago, and began chipping away at my baggage one by one with a vengence. It was a big "exfoliating" season for me, and I'm actually smiling right now thinking of what AWESOME things changed for the positive. One of the best things I love so very much about this friend of mine, is that we have very different beliefs, and it's ok. I can talk with her about my God, and it doesn't offend her, because I'm not "bible thumping" her....I'm just excited. And full. And it's nice to have that person (that has seen me at my very worst,) take note of the change in me without feeling the urge to prove it to her. I felt so supported, hearing her say, "Whatever you're doing, keep doin' it. I'm really proud of you."
I don't have to take this time in the hospital to witness to people. It's not always about that. And it's not about big faith today, because I already have that too. It's about being fruitful all the time. I am so in love with my creator that it affects people....not because I'm knocking from room to room..."HEEEEY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT JESUS????"...it's just in being present. I AM affecting others in the way that I react to this situation. Doctors say I have a good attitude, but I think they know it's something more. My hope is not in them, and I'm not sure if they're used to seeing that. I am thankful and I have joy, even when I'm sad or fighting off some crazy spiritual warfare. What a great lesson today. I was hoping for a pep-talk with the way I was behaving and feeling inside. We've been here a long time. I'm missing a lot of things right now, and it's really gotten me down. BUT, instead of being reminded of what I need to be doing, I was reminded that I'm doing something right. Swimming in grace today was exactly what I needed. Thanks God. You turned this burden into an opportunity, even when I didn't want to. :)

And Jones, thank you for always being there. I love you girl.