Hello, hello. Before I left the hospital 9 months ago, my friend Stacy told me that I would be the "most tired I've ever been in my whole life" when I got home. She was right......the only problem is, that I'm still tired. I'm tired when I wake up. I'm tired at 10 after I've had half a pot of coffee. I'm tired when I look at my house, and at 4 o' clock after I've slept for an hour and a half. By 9:30 at night, I'm nodding off to a movie with my husband. I'm tired.
Ok, I'm going to say it. I think I might be a wee-bit depressed. Which isn't something I think I've been since our miscarriage 4 years ago. I'm not willing to get on medicines, because I really want to do my best to get out of this ditch myself....I just haven't quite figured out how to do that yet. I pray. I hug my husband. I surround myself with people, and I'm busy all day long. I'm just tired, and emotional, and I cry with hardly any mention of sick babies, or any detail of Joel's hospital stay....which was a long time ago. What's going on with me? I don't like this.
Spring is coming. There is so much happening soon. Joel's turning one on March 12th. We will have a garden to plant soon. And then....dum dum dum dum....the trach will be out before we know it. I just hope I can get happy by then. I feel like everyone I see is getting the crappy side of me, and that makes me even more down. Any suggestions? Prayers would be good too.