"When you turn away from the battle you're assigned to, you face the battle you're not equipped for."
What a wonderful statement to rest in. It never fails that when I call out for help, I get it. We've been teetering on letting go of our main night nurse for over a month. It's been tricky. Because we really like him, on a friend level. Having people in your home this often creates gray-areas in boundaries normally set for workplaces. It's hard not to get attached to people you would hang out with under different conditions. The fact that we like him on a friend level has gotten in the way of the thing we were sent home to do: Get Joel better. We've put up with "Male nurse #2"'s mistakes, because 1) It might be awkward seeing him around town. 2) He works 5 nights a week and it would be hard to replace his shifts. 3) He's someone we would like to hang out with.
But here's the thing....I can't not fire him because it might be awkward. Or because we like him. We have to let him go because he's negligent in Joel's care. After 4 months of employment, he "forgets" to put on a diaper cover on Joel. He's left Joel's bed SOAKING wet at least 10 times....(I would have fired a babysitter LONG before now for that.) He's left the suction machine unplugged for an entire shift while Joel was sick and needed continued suctioning, twice. (SCARY. Our suction machine's internal battery doesn't last very long, and we don't have a back-up.) He spills formula up my wall....don't ask how he managed that. He leaves q-tips, coban, and the tops to saline fish in Joel's crib, where he could easily put them in his mouth. And then, there's the ridiculously unprofessional email sent to my facebook....don't even get me started on that one.
My stomach has been upside down about this situation for almost a month. And I finally did it. We fired him this morning, out of faith, and after prayer....that this was the right thing to do for Joel. For many of you, I'm sure it would have seemed like a no-brainer, but it wasn't for us. We prayed that God would send the right people into our home. Whether it be for us, or for them, that the people that came into our home were for a specific purpose, and I didn't take that lightly when they showed up. On top of that, I'm forgiving, and I wanted to give him a chance to redeem himself. There's also the issue of staffing. PSA is understaffed, and the nurses are underpaid, so they aren't "flooded" with applicants. Is it better to have no help or some help?
The minute I took my eyes off my battle is when things got tricky. It doesn't matter whether things get awkward or difficult. My job right now is to make sure that Joel gets better. If I put Joel in the hands of someone who isn't qualified to do his care, then I start fighting a losing battle.
I hope this uneasy feeling gets better soon. I think it will. Doing the right thing always does, eventually, right?