Hello, hello. Before I left the hospital 9 months ago, my friend Stacy told me that I would be the "most tired I've ever been in my whole life" when I got home. She was right......the only problem is, that I'm still tired. I'm tired when I wake up. I'm tired at 10 after I've had half a pot of coffee. I'm tired when I look at my house, and at 4 o' clock after I've slept for an hour and a half. By 9:30 at night, I'm nodding off to a movie with my husband. I'm tired.
Ok, I'm going to say it. I think I might be a wee-bit depressed. Which isn't something I think I've been since our miscarriage 4 years ago. I'm not willing to get on medicines, because I really want to do my best to get out of this ditch myself....I just haven't quite figured out how to do that yet. I pray. I hug my husband. I surround myself with people, and I'm busy all day long. I'm just tired, and emotional, and I cry with hardly any mention of sick babies, or any detail of Joel's hospital stay....which was a long time ago. What's going on with me? I don't like this.
Spring is coming. There is so much happening soon. Joel's turning one on March 12th. We will have a garden to plant soon. And then....dum dum dum dum....the trach will be out before we know it. I just hope I can get happy by then. I feel like everyone I see is getting the crappy side of me, and that makes me even more down. Any suggestions? Prayers would be good too.
I feel like I went through a bit of this around Tiernan's first birthday. Well, a little after. Anyway, I think we are on such high alert all the time for so long and then things start to calm down a little. And we can begin to really FEEL things. And it feels like crap. I want to encourage you and say you'll come out on the other side soon, but I can't say that with certainty. Don't be afraid to get help if you don't begin to come out of it soon. You are far too important for you to struggle through this when you could have help. Love you lots!!!! Prayers to you and I can't wait to see you in 6 days!!
ReplyDeleteAhhhhh, I CAN NOT WAIT to hug see you either!!! FRIEND!
ReplyDeleteThanks for that. I've been debating writing about this, but when all of my posts started to sound draining and redundant, I think it was due. I think you're right. All of my adrenaline is gone now. Time for reality....I thought we were IN REALITY ALREADY???!! :)