A topic I've been avoiding for awhile. Our home nurses have heard me talk about my reoccuring bad dream. Almost nightly, Joel dies in my dreams. It's horrible. I've been having this awful scenario play out for over a year now, and I thought it would stop after his trach came out but it hasn't.
I turn around in the car, and he's lost consciousness without me noticing
Drowning in the bathtub.
Falling out of his highchair
Falling out of a grocery cart...
I could go on and on. My dreams are haunting me. I don't know if it's stemming from a few scary moments in the hospital, or just the stress of being "the person who knows everything," or what. It's exhausting. And sad. And they wake me up over and over. Adam doesn't get them. Why am I?