I'm up, doing my 6am routine. I slept horrible last night, but I'm downing my cowboy coffee and trying not to be crabby....still, it's a little early to tell, the kids are still in bed... :)
I'm having a really hard time with Ricker's timeline. I'll wait if God wants me to, but it might take me a while to get my attitude in check. I know there are so many parents that never get to bring their babies home from the hospital. Parents that have chronically ill children. I should be so lucky to have a child with a temporary condition.....but the truth is, it's hard in my situation too. We've been home for six months now. 6 months of people in our home 16 hours a day. 6 months of ordering supplies, 6 months of inhome therapies and appointments, 6 months of not being able to leave my house between the hours of 4-7pm....and we're only half way through. "The only way out is through." Ahhh, I love that quote.
To add to my frustrations, I've been having these dreams.....
Wonderful Dream #1: *We're sitting in Ricker's office. RN Denise and RN La Donna are with me. We're taking out Joel's trach. One of them is videotaping, and we're so happy that we're all laughing and crying. And when they take out his trach, he cries, the most beautiful cry I've ever heard. Different from the passy-muir sound....and I look.....and I can see the back of his neck, for the very first time.* I'm crying right now thinking about it.....and I'm not sure if it's because I'm happy we'll get to that moment or sad that I'm forced to wait.
Wonderful Dream #2: *More of a daydream....I sit in my room, looking over at the wall, thinking of how we'll incorporate a crib into our furniture placement. What wall hangings from his room we'll bring in to ours. How I'll (FINALLY) get to decorate our family room....what kind of a firepit ritual we'll do with a few of his medical supplies. How I'll be able to check on him sleeping, just two feet away from me.
Wonderful Dream #3: This one's a daydream too. Walking downstairs for a drink in my underwear.