Not today

The nursing staff wants me to get out of the hospital for a while. Go home for a day, go out. Get a sense of normalcy. Normalcy is leaving the hospital with a baby. That is normalcy. I completely understand that immersing myself in a hospital environment is not normal, that it can make my mind fuzzy and forget what day it is. I like it that way. I want to be "in it". Why the heck would I want to go out into reality right now, where everywhere I go I see new mommies with babies, husbands with wives, families together...and every piece of my existence is "on hold". Cooking, cleaning, looking for matching socks, wearing pajamas and not leaving the house for days on end...these are things only a crazy person would miss. I am not strong today. The hurting boobs did me in.